


Thor's Sexual Prowess

by Surrealx3



Series: A ThunderHulk Collection [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, M/M, Poor Bruce Banner, Science Bros, Thor Is Not Stupid, ThunderHulk, Tony Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 05:13:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5362658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surrealx3/pseuds/Surrealx3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 Times Thor brags about his sexual prowess + 1 time Bruce does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thor's Sexual Prowess

5

“Soooo, Bruce.”

Bruce sighed as Clint inched towards him, recognizing the ‘I’m about to make you really uncomfortable’ tone. He inched away, sipping his tea leisurely, hoping that Clint would just drop it if he stays silent.

“I was wondering,” Clint continued, ignoring Bruce’s already evident discomfort, “When you and Thor, you know, go at it,” Bruce let out a long suffering sigh but Clint forged on, “How does the big guy not come out? Because from what I’ve heard, getting objects shoved up your ass can be incredibly painful and I’m pretty sure Thor is hung. Not that I’ve seen or thought about his ‘you know’ but the whole god thing kind of implies it.”

Bruce huffed, “Oh my god.”

“Yes, beloved?” Thor walked in and went straight for the cupboard where his pop tarts were stored. He leaned over to lay a brief kiss on Bruce’s cheek, “Are you in need of anything?”

Clint said, nonchalantly, “I was just asking how he keeps the other guy under wraps when you two go at it.”

Thor commented lightly, “I believe it was hard to separate pain from pleasure by the time I penetrated.” Pop tart in hand, Thor left out the kitchen but not with patting Bruce’s ass with a wink.

Clint gapped at Thor then the red-faced Bruce. “Did you know he knew how to fucking wink?”

 

4

“Soooo, Bruce.” It was Tony this time, sliding up to him in the lab. 

Bruce muttered, “Oh no.”

“Relax, I’m not going to ask about details,” Tony assured him, “I just know you’re kind of new to this world and I’m wondering how the assimilating is going.”

“Tony, can’t we just focus on the experiment?” Bruce groaned, “I really don’t want to talk about this.”

“Come on, you have a Thor, I have a Loki. Do you know what that means for us? We surpassed science bros,” Tony grinned, waving his hands energetically, “We’re god-loving science bros. We appreciate the dick of the gods.”

Bruce groaned, sounding very much in pain. “Please Tony, just stop.”

“There’s no shame in it,” Tony continued, “In fact, it’s an honor.”

“No, please.”

“We should celebrate the desirability of our asses.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.” Tony grinned, wrapping an arm around Bruce’s shoulder, “I do have one question though.”

“If I answer, will you leave me alone?”

“Probably not,” Tony replied honestly, “Anyway, I used to flirt with you all the time and you showed zero interest in me. Should I be offended or do you just have a type? Did the ‘science bros’ thing turn you off? Incest really isn’t for everyone.”

“Sir,” Jarvis interrupted, saving Bruce from having to answer, “Mr. Odinson is requesting permission to enter the lab.”

Tony waved his hand dismissively, “Yeah, sure, let Pikachu in. So what was it, Bruce?”

“Tony,” Bruce sighed heavily.

“Friend Stark, I have come to retrieve my beloved,” Thor stopped for a minute to observe their closeness before seeming to shrug it off, “I was hoping we could go on what you Midgardians call a date.”

“Right, date,” Tony eyed him warily, “You’re not going to corner me later and tell me to stay away from Bruce, are you?”

Thor laughed, “Of course not, Friend Stark. You are his closest friend. Besides,” there was a wicked glint in his eye, “I fear I don’t leave him with enough energy to try to bed another.”

 

3

Clint sputtered, “Sex guru?”

Natasha stared at the television, flipping through the channels. “Yes, Clint. Sex guru.”

“I don’t need to study under a sex guru to have sex with you, Nat.”

“Correction, you don’t need to study under a sex guru to get off,” she retorted, “While I, on the other hand, require a bit more effort.”

“This is no fair,” Clint pouted, “I bet Loki wouldn’t make Tony go through some ridiculous sex training.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, “Perhaps you’ve forgotten that while you were being a SHIELD agent, Tony was being a notorious playboy. He got all the training he needed before even meeting Loki. You, on the other hand, have little experience and no technique.”

Thor happened to have walked into the room during their argument and was ignored until Clint asked, “Thor, do you have a technique?”

Thor frowned thoughtfully, “Well, when it comes to intercourse, I go with instinct rather than any type of technique.”

“Thank you,” Clint shouted triumphantly.

“But do keep in mind, Friend Clint,” Thor smirked, “I am a god.”

The two agents fell silent while Thor turned his attention back to the television. Clint and Natasha glanced at each other, Natasha with a raised, critical eyebrow that demanded he try to argue.

“Fuck,” Clint grumbled, “Fine, I’ll go.”

 

2

“Doom has let his bots out on the city again,” Fury stated, “It seems like he made upgrades since the last time we faced them. Banner, what’s going on with the limp and will it affect the Hulk?” His eyebrows rose at the snorts and giggles his question drew. And even worse, Banner was blushing like a teenage girl. “Well?”

“It’s nothing,” Banner assured him hastily.

“Anything that can hurt the Hulk isn’t nothing, Dr. Banner,” Fury’s eye narrowed, “Now tell me happened.”

“It’s nothing,” Banner insisted, his blush turning the tip of his ears red.

“This is a matter of national security,” Fury bit out, “If something came close enough to hurt the most volatile of the Avengers without triggering said Avenger’s extremely effective defense mechanism, I need to know about it. Stark, what is so funny?”

Loki rolled his eyes as his lover tried to regain control of his breathing. Stark bit his knuckle and swallowed down a giggle, “Sorry, cyclops. Bruce is just currently dating someone.”

“So.” The word lack inflection and intonation but the man was obviously asking for a more detailed explanation.

“So when a certain cherry gets popped, it’s a bit hard to recover,” Tony wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh? OH,” Fury’s critical gaze landed on Bruce, “So who is he?”

Banner groaned, “Is this really necessary?”

“We can’t have just anyone finding out the secret to ruining the Hulk,” Fury reasoned. Honestly, he just hated not knowing things.

Thor laughed, “Do not worry, Man of Fury. I am the one doing the ‘ruining’ and I must say, it is very much enjoyable.”

 

1

Bruce was almost scared of the team movie night. He couldn’t imagine how the night would go now that _all_ the Avengers has taken to teasing him endlessly.

But it actually went pretty well. Other than the stray comment from Clint when Thor decided to cuddle with him, no one said anything. It was after the movie that made Bruce regret every decision he made in his life. Or near after. The movie hadn’t quite ended yet when Thor stood up.

“I shall retire for the night comrades.”

They all mumbled ‘good nights’ but Thor remained there. Bruce turned his attention back to the movie but glanced back when he realized Thor was still there.

He asked hesitantly, “Something wrong, Thor?”

“Of course not, beloved,” Thor smiled indulgently, “I was simply hoping that we could retire together but if you wish to remain, I do not mind.”

“Oh,” Bruce glanced at the movie. He was really liking it. “If you’re tired then you can just go ahead and get some sleep. I’ll come join you in bed when the movie is over.”

“Sleep?” Thor chuckled and whispered in a voice like silk, “Beloved, I don’t plan to sleep.”

All Bruce could say was, “Oh.”

“But very well,” Thor continued, “Although I shall be lonely, I will leave you to your movie. Perhaps I may just fall asleep.” Thor walked out the room with a very knowing smirk.

Bruce groaned loudly, “Who the hell taught Thor how to use reverse psychiatry?”

“I’m afraid,” Bruce was out the door before Loki could finish, “That’s my fault. I can see he certainly did take to the lesson.”

“Note to self,” Tony said out loud, “Never underestimate Thor’s seduction skills.”

 

+1

“Brucey,” Tony grinned at the door to the lab opened, “I’m so glad you could make it. For a moment there, I thought Thor was going to keep you in bed all day.”

Bruce smiled sheepishly, “Sorry. What was it that you wanted me to look at?”

“Nothing that couldn’t wait,” Tony assured him. “First, I’m dying to know something.”

Bruce looked close to praying for deliverance.

“Relax, it’s nothing worse than anything else I’ve said about you and Point Break.” Probably, maybe, it depends on the perspective. “Exactly how hung is he?”

“Tony,” Bruce shouted.

“I’m curious,” Tony shouted back.

Bruce groaned, “I hate you.”

“We’re best friends, Bruce. You’re supposed to. But fine, you don’t want to answer that so let me ask another question.”

“I need new friends.”

Tony scoffed, “You’re not going to find a much better friend than Tony Stark. Anyway, how good is Point Break in bed? You shot out the room yesterday so I’m assuming good enough to make you want to come back but is it good, great or the only sexual contact you’ve had since big green made an appearance?”

“Tony,” Bruce tried to hold on to his disapproval but it gave way to a small smirk, “He’s a fucking god.”


End file.
